Shifts happen: How to be happier in a non-stop world

Author and psychologist Dr Andy Cope offers invaluable insight on how to thrive – rather than just survive – on the merry-go-round of life 

Maybe you’ve heard the story of the man who went to see an eminent Viennese psychiatrist complaining that, for some reason, he felt sad all the time. After some discussion, the doctor said, “Let me suggest, as a first step, that you go to the theatre tonight. The great clown Grimaldi is performing here in Vienna. He is so funny, he makes everyone happy.” “But Doctor,” sighed the patient, “I am Grimaldi!”

It’s a lovely story that holds an important truth about the modern world. Happiness and wellbeing seem to be in short supply right now. The Covid pandemic has been replaced by an outbreak of busyness. All the while we are looking for ways to cope. Low level grumbling can morph into permanent misery, and worse. This is the age of anxiety. Depression is rife, while panic attacks and other mental health issues are on the rise. In the previous millennium, we used to call it stress. Now it’s burnout or ‘mental pneumonia’. Life does its best to leave you lots of clues, hidden in plain sight. Ignore them at your peril. 

If the people you love are starting to irritate you, or if your work colleagues are driving you mad, here’s a clue, it’s not about them! If you haven’t got time to do what you know is good and healthy – you scoff a meal deal while sitting at your laptop, skip your daily walk, can’t make the gym, haven’t got time to cook from scratch, stay up late to finish your emails, consistently cheat on your sleep, haven’t got time to pop in and see your mum – here’s another clue, burnout is nipping at your heels. 

The medical professionals are at breaking point. It’s incredibly common for people to be taking medication to combat the side-effects of medication they’re taking for something else.

My point? Despite the well-intentioned efforts of doctors, therapists and counsellors the truth is that mental wellbeing problems have skyrocketed. That’s a big fat clue that what the current approach might need a re-think.

The science of the obvious

That’s why I wrote The Art of Being Brilliant – to ease the burning. It’s written to help you thrive – yes, thrive – not survive, or get by, or muddle through. My research into happiness and human flourishing points to a collective set of habits, of which one stands out as more important than the rest. It falls into the common sense but not common practice category.

The number one thing that happy people do that the rest of the population doesn’t do, is… choose to be positive! I’m going to say it again so the obviousness sinks into your bone marrow. All the upbeat, extraordinary people in my PhD surveys have made a conscious decision to craft an attitude that works in their favour.

There’s some effort involved in choosing a positive attitude but once you know how, it becomes what I call a ‘portable benefit’. That means your attitude travels with you. It comes to work with you, it attends meetings with you, it comes home with you… because it is you.

The 90/10 Principle

There are only two things you can truly be in control of: your preparation for what might happen and your response to what has just happened. The 90/10 Principle prepares you for both. It suggests that 10% of whether you have a good day or a bad day is down to what happens to you. So, for example, your train is cancelled, or you’re stuck in traffic jam, or you’re on a city break and it’s hammering down with rain.

You can’t control the 10% – ‘life’ happens to you every single day. The 90/10 principle suggests that 90% of whether you have a good day or bad day is about how to choose to respond to the 10%. This is where a positive attitude weaves its psychological magic.

So, basically, you can’t control the train cancellation, traffic or weather… they’re going to happen whether you want them to or not. 90% of whether you have a good day or bad day is down to your response to these situations.

Your attitude is the 90%, and that’s massive. Once you realise you can choose a better attitude, you’ll find your day goes a whole lot better. Everyday events become so much easier to handle. Train cancellation – it’s not ideal but the 90/10 Principle puts you in control. Instead of stressing and going ballistic you make a call, send an email, and put Plan B into operation.

Bad traffic – instead of road rage, you stick a podcast on and thank your lucky stars that you’re not in the accident that caused it. Dodgy holiday weather – find a cosy bar with a window seat and do some people watching. Voila, you have bliss instead of stress!

In the examples above, the exact same things are happening to you, but a proactive choice of attitude gets you a much better outcome. Often, a much calmer outcome. The 90/10 principle boils down to this, that person in the bathroom mirror has a lot more control over your day than you think.

If you’re gonna rise, you may as well shine

Bottom line, from the doctor of happiness, if you can craft a great attitude, happiness is not guaranteed, but more likely. To be clear, choosing to have a positive attitude doesn’t make problems disappear. It doesn’t stop the rain, it doesn’t make climate change go away, it doesn’t make your football team win. A great attitude doesn’t make your train turn up on time and matter how positive you choose to be, adversity and unfairness will still exist.

What a positive attitude will do is put you in a better position to deal with the rain, climate emergency, your team losing and your train being cancelled. Instead of stopping you in your tracks, these glitches are obstacles to be overcome. While everyone else is negative about the world, you live in a world of possibilities and your positivity shines through.

This is doubly important when the brevity of life is factored in. In the interests of telling it how it is, nobody gets out alive. Choosing to carry an attitude that works in your favour is a massive power-up. Understanding and applying the 90/10 Principle is your first step on the path to being brilliant. 

About the author

Dr Andy Cope is a happiness expert, positive psychologist and author of ‘The Art of Being Brilliant’.